22 October, 2009

wanted:


i need friends.

i mean, i have friends. i can say things like "oh my friend so-and-so is from texas" or "i have a friend who used to follow the grateful dead on tour." and there are plenty of status updates, photos, and quiz results in my news feed on my facebook. you know, things like that. i know people. i have friendships with people. i talk to them on the phone. we text message and email. we even write letters...you know the kind that you actually mail.

but i don't really ever see my friends. i don't get to spend genuine, in-person, "real life" time with them. they all live somewhere else, or they're just too plain busy for me. i can't really think of anyone who i can just call on a tuesday afternoon and say, "hey do you wanna grab a coffee or a cupcake with me?" or "do you want to take a walk to the beach?" or "how bout you come over and watch clueless with me? we'll bake some cookies and reminisce about how terrific the 90s were."

when i do see friends, the time has to be scheduled in. we make arrangements a couple weeks in advance and pencil the plans into our blackberries. a lot of the time, the plans are cancelled. something comes up. life happens. i understand. i know. don't feel bad. but i really did want to see you. i really did need some human interaction with someone who knows me, someone who isn't levi or my family. i wanted to hear about the annoying guy who always steals your ideas at work. i wanted to see pictures of your new puppy. i might have even wanted to show you pictures of our new kitten and tell you about how much i hate my ballet class.

i love my time by myself. i like dictating what i'm going to do and when i'm going to do it. i like procrastinating by watching 18 kids and counting instead of doing my french homework. i need that time. but i need people time too. more specifically, i need girl time, talking time, sharing time.

and i'm not quite sure how to get it. making new friends is really scary. and it's really really really hard to find people who i feel like i can be friends with - people who are in the same phase of life as me, people who are happy to do the same kinds of things that i like to do, people around my age, people who live nearby, people who have time for me. i feel like i'm in this weird phase of life that makes it difficult to meet new people with similar interests. i'm 27. i'm definitely older than the people in my classes. i'm in a serious relationship. i don't want to go out drinking and partying. i don't have kids so i can't meet other moms at the park or in playgroups. it kinda makes me wish that they had internet "friending" sites like they do for dating. a place where i could check all the appropriate boxes, punch in my preferences, likes, dislikes, availability, and out pops a list of friendship matches for me.

but that's not realistic. i don't know of a website like that, and, even if i did, i don't think i would trust it. i'm going to have to do this the old fashioned way and just keep my eyes open for kindred spirits who'd like to come over for a cup of coffee and a friends marathon.

95 comments:

  1. Ugh - you said it perfectly! I know exactly how you feel. Actually, my friend Shasta (a friend I hardly get to see in person) started an internet friend site for post-college to pre-menopause women for this very reason: https://www.girlfriendcircles.com/home.aspx

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  2. i know exactly how you feel. all of my friends are in california and i'm here in utah :) everyone here has kids so it forces me out of the loop.

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  3. i would totally come over for a friends marathon and hang out with you!!!! that would be the coolest!

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  4. You have read my mind this morning. I need friends too. It's too bad I live in Oklahoma or we could totally hang out and watch every episode of 'My So Called Life' and talk about how dreamy Jared Leto was.

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  5. I totally could have written this. I've been whining to my husband for months that even though I have "friends" I don't have anyone who i can call up on a Sunday afternoon to go to Panera with for some tomato soup or watch Twilight with because I'm craving sexy vamps and underage hottie werewolves. I am a mom, but trust me, it doesn't make finding friends any easier. I work full time, so it's not like I can join any play groups or whatever. AND, I'm really protective of my Monster, so if some kid at the playground pushed him or something, I'd beat that kid's ass...and that's no way to make mommy friends. I met my husband on Match.com, so i thought maybe an online friend website might work, but like you said, there's no such thing. If you ever find a good place to make friends, let me know! Or you could just move to DE and we could be friends!!!

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  6. So, you don't know me...and I can't be 100% sure how I found your blog, probably some connection through Merry's facebook maybe? I went to church in Portland with Merry & Levi once upon a time. And I love reading blogs, and check yours frequently. I just wanted to say that I COMPLETELY understand what you're saying and feel this way myself all the time. I hope that you are able to find a girlfriend or two that you can just hang out with on a regular basis.

    Thanks for posting this, its nice to know I'm not the only one out there who feels like this!

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  7. I am the exact same way!!! high school friends I don't have as much in common with, or they are all involved with having babies. College friends still just want to drink. Why can't I just have a cookie-baking friend who enjoys a nice glass of wine and a good movie?!

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  8. i loooooved this post.

    and just so you know...
    i'd love to come over for a cup of coffee and Friends marathon- loved that tie in... lovely cleverness.

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  9. I feel the same way sometimes and am sorta in the same situation. I have work friends that I hang out with sometimes, but it's not the same as your friends friends. Make sense?

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  10. Jasmine, I cannot tell you how much I totally understand what you are saying. I recently got married and over the past year I don't know if it was the wedding planning and events or what but the fact that I don't have friends that live close by to just hang out with when I please, was totally emphasized. I have spent so much time telling my husband how I need friends, and all of mine live to far away or are busy. That I want someone to workout with or try new restaurants or just to randomly pop in and watch Gossip Girl with me. And it makes it worse because he is in law school so he doesn't get home till like 8 or later most nights. I'm so lonely!

    All I know is that I believe God has a plan for all of us. And while we may not understand it while we are sitting in our empty homes watching others frolic and play with their friends, who is to say that he isn't working on us so that when we do make those friends we will be able to build an amazing friendship based on us being the person we are truly meant to be.

    I wish you the best in your search!

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  11. I wish we lived in the same state. I have been feeling the exact same way. Maybe its the season. Maybe its the time of life we are in (I am also an "older" college student). Maybe its me. I hope you find your friend.

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  12. i have been thinking the exact same thing lately. i was only just recently able to get together (for a quick visit of course) with one of my very good friends, whom i haven't seen since her wedding (that i was IN) two months ago! it's sad that we have to schedule in time for friendship :(

    i think that craigslist or similar sites have sections where you can "meet" friends... though i've never tried it myself.

    if i lived in california we would totally go for coffee AND a cupcake :)

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  13. This is my life! I'm 26, in a long term relationship, have lots of friends but still lack that luxury of a Best Friend, who I can drag shopping or just have a cup of tea and a biscuit with, while chatting about our days.

    Thank you for making me feel that I'm not abnormal.
    If I wasn't in the UK, I'd totally be up for a cup of coffee and a Friends marathon.
    x

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  14. :-/ It is really difficult. All of my friends are married or in serious relationships (like myself)... and they live nearby, but between trying to make it to all our family events (bdays, celebrations, etc) and my friends making it to their (and their significant others) events, it's near impossible to have those spontaneous outings and meet ups. I miss them too! :-/

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  15. Ditto to everything you have said!! I have lived in 7 states and in different countries and have friends all over, but none in close proximity to where I live. I have just recently moved to a new state where I know only people married with kids, and families. I am feeling that need for that girl time! If only I lived in CA (where I AM originally from) I would TOTALLY be your friend! =D
    Thanks for the great post!

    Ps..I'm 27 too.

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  16. Oh, dear Jasmine! I have this EXACT same problem! I have the greatest friends- and they live all over the place, are married, have kids, or just too busy. I love my family, and I love my boyfriend, but I MISS being able to just 'hang out' with friends. I couldn't have expressed the way I feel about my situation any better than you just did.
    Keep your chin up, dear! And Good Luck! :)
    XOXO

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  17. Ahh! I would totally drink coffee and watch Friends marathons for hours and hours with you. One of my favorite things :)

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  18. I can truly relate to your post as I have similar thoughts, feelings and fears.

    HOW does one go about making new friends, my biggest struggle is finding people in my neighborhood. I live in an energetic urban community where as all my friends live in the suburbs. Making friends who are on the life ride as me AND in the same postal code is becoming a surprisingly difficult task. It doesn't help that the people in my condo building are all snobs and don't return my "Hi" in the hallway!

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  19. I understand what you mean! It's tricky! At the moment I have met someone pretty fabulous people at church. You are fabulous and inspiring. Just remember there is a time and a season for all things... and this too shall pass.

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  20. I know exactly what you mean. I too am 27 (and will be 28 in 2 weeks, yay!)but single and in my career. All my close friends either live far away or have their own families. I have my theater friends but they aren't people that know me well or have the time to "grab coffee". My parents are my best friends but like you said, you need someone other than family to hang out with. The one good friend that is close recently got into a relationship so I never see her anymore. It has been quite lonely. But I remind myself that I will survive even if I never have another friend and I pray that God will send me a special friend that I can connect with. In the meantime, I focus on my work and spend my extra time being creative and getting to know myself better. Hope you find what you are looking for soon!

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  21. i seriously feel like you just went inside my head and then wrote this. i am 27 and newly divorced. sure i am happy with my place in life but i don't where i fit in the world socially anymore....sure my friends and i will have a glass of wine on saturday but what about the next day? everyone has someone or something to keep them busy on a sunday afternoon.

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  22. i can relate to pretty much every single thing youre saying..my old friends are about an hour away and i dont go home all that often. and even here at school, i meet people i talk to in classes, but its so hard to find a good girlfriend...especially being so shy at first!

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  23. making friends really is hard. i feel like i've been going on friend dates or auditions or interviews lately- those lunches you set up with people who seem like they could be your friends? and i think they're more nerve-wracking than actual dates. i went to school with the same people for twelve years so i really didn't have to make friends and last year i got thrown into college with all new people. it's difficult to find those people who have the same concept of fun as you and don't mind wearing wigs and talking about which mythological creature you'd most like to date. moral of the story: i know where you're coming from. keep your head up and your eyes peeled and it'll happen. you're a friendly person! and friendly people make friends. fact.

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  24. I totally understand. The friends we hang out with on a normal basis are through my husband, and while I love them and they are just as much my friends now as his, I still kind of think of them as "his friends."

    Sometimes I just wish I could live in Friends. With your friends close by and endless amounts of free time to just hang out at the coffee shop and talk about the weird dream from last night or the guy your dating or your weird co-workers.

    If only we lived closer, I'd totally be up for a Friends marathon. Your place or mine?

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  25. Friendship Making is precisely like dating. No one ever makes the "first move," with me. I've accepted that. I'm always the one asking others if they want to hang out, and go see an art show or listen to records, etc. And like dating, sometimes I get rejected. And sometimes I spend time with the prospective friend and we just aren't compatible. Isn't that funny?

    I think a lot of people are where you are in life. And I think most are too chicken to ask others to hang out. They probably think you have enough friends/are too busy. I'm 27 as well, and I've been in L.A. a little over a year. So I had to start from scratch with my circle of friends. I'm still looking for that perfect go to friend. It's hard to get people to commit to plans. And I've found that my single friends are much more eager to play than my married friends. (Isn't that weird?)

    But keep looking for your potential friend Jasmine. You're just going to have to be the bold one and make the first move and ask them to play! My most embarrassing move was asking my hair dresser if she wanted to hang out. She did, and we've been friends for six years!

    Hugs and macarons,
    Ashley

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  26. I am emailing you in response to this post. :)

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  27. I feel exactly the same way. I have no girl friends in Bakersfield. I miss girl time. I wish I lived closer, we would definitely hangout.

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  28. I agree it would be nice to have someone to call up and go out with on a regular basis. Most of my good friends don't live around here. If they do they're single and seem to only want to go where guys are going to be or they are too busy or they're in a relationship and don't want to leave their significant other behind. The people we hang out with most are our couple friends and we only hang out as couples.

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  29. i knnooooow the feeling. i am always wishing i could gather all my friends up and plop them done in nashville with me.

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  30. yes yes yes.

    i teared up at this. i totally get it. i totally feel this.

    and even with a kid, the playgroups aren't so readily available. maybe because she's a baby....maybe because most of the moms i meet only want to talk about their babies. some are even advertised and then marked "closed" or cost $50. are you kidding me?!

    i want someone here i can just go to their house and read magazines while they watch t.v. and we don't have to talk, but when we do talk, it doesn't have to be out of obligation in that "getting to know you" stage. it can just be because we actually have something to say.

    i don't know. it's stupid and it's hard. making friends as an adult sucks. and i feel weird talking about "my friend jasmine" who i know through the internet and have never met in person but i'm invested in her life to some degree because we read each other's blogs. you know?

    i just want the handful of people i know and love and come easy to stop living in every other pocket of the world and to all live here in my apartment complex so we can cook each other meals and walk to get a cup of coffee and share my baby and their pets and make stuff together.

    that was the longest comment ever. but i totally get it.

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  31. oh jasmine, do i know how you feel. back home i had grown apart from all my friends. i went from feeling like the luckiest girl in the world for having so many wonderful, inseparable friends to feeling completely alone. life does that. more specifically, growing up does that. for me it took moving to a whole new city to make new friends. grad school in new york gave me the opportunity to meet other people who are in the exact same boat as me (nyc for the first time, grad school, studying film). the fact that i have a kid and none of them do doesn't really matter because everything else fits so well. i have made two new girl friends! who'd have thought?

    i'm sure if you look around you can find someone who fits close enough to where you are in life. if you and i were to meet, i am positive we would be great friends even though i'm a few years younger and am a mom. i love friends and clueless and cupcakes! see, so maybe they wont exactly fit the mold but that doesn't mean they wont be perfect for girl time. :)

    i really hope you find that. you're right, it's so important.

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  32. have you ever tried volunteering or getting involved in some community? (i don't want to say church, but you know what i mean)
    that may help!

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  33. I feel like you just spoke the words that my heart has been screaming at me. I wish I could go back to the days of meeting new friends on the playground, why can't it still be that easy to find best friends?

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  34. but I'm moving to California Heights in January and I don't really have any friends there!

    I feel much the same way. I know I'm not lonely because I have so much family, boyfriend, etc. but I do miss that easy to be with girlfriend thing, where you can be obnoxious about how much you hate certain people, or eat an entire ben and jerrys by yourself and no one even thinks of commenting about it...

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  35. I am in the same boat! I just moved 3000 miles away from home and know virtually no one. I'm not in school anymore and I'm definitely not a clubbin' kind of girl, so I've been at a loss to find friends. It can get really lonely without social interaction! Anyway, I found this site that you might want to check out. It's meetup.com. I found a couple groups there that interested me and I even went to an event and met a few people. And hey, if you ever happen to move to Denver, I'd be happy to be your friend. :)

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  36. I so know what you mean! I'm older than most of the people who are doing their masters here and it is hard to make good friends who don't just wanna get smashed every night, but who want to go out and experience life! doesn't help that I'm asian as well, believe it or it can be quite a hindrance since people here immediately associate asian= mainland chinese who cant speak a word of english.

    I really really wish we lived nearer one another, or maybe that I lived in the US instead of the UK. I might be younger than you, but I think we'd totally click (: I so want to have a friend that's on the same wavelength as me, and who's not just my housemate. I promise that we'd keep in touch and I'd try to one day make a flight over so we can finally meet face to face!

    much love! xoxo

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  37. I know exactly how you feel, I'm going through the same phase in my life right now. But you are so incredibly adorable and sweet I'm positive you'll meet new people in no time.

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  38. Well I actually had a conversation exactly like this with my boyfriend the other day. All of my friends either live in other cities now or they work some sort of crazy different schedule then I and we plan and plan but then, like you said, life happens. Sometimes I feel so silly that I get down about it because I know I have friends, but really, I just want to be able to have some coffee or wine with them and laugh about stupid things instead of always trying to catch up and fill in on the latest big news.

    Truth is, I do really enjoy my me time and my just me and my man time, but ugh... I need some more estrogen and emotional conversation in my life :)

    Its nice to know I am not the only girl that feels that way. I hope you get a lady coffee buddy soon!

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  39. I lived closer to you, I would come over and be your friend. I understand how you feel. I feel like the only friends I see often are my roommates and that's mainly because I live with them. haha. And I love to watch friends.

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  40. You hit the nail right on the head with this one. I totally agree with you that it's hard to actually make meeting up with friends-happen.

    I wished you lived closer because I would love to do a bloggers lunch. I have thought a lot about this, but feel funny because I love the girls blogs that I read in my area and want to branch out and make new friends, but is that weird to meet your internet friends?

    Well good luck, and hopefully the void will be filled and then some ;)

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  41. being a military mom (wow, does that make me sound totally boring, or what?) but anyhoo, we move pretty often. And I have plenty of friends, but we are all scattered across the globe....and it is so sad :( We meet up with each other as much as possible, but we all talk about how difficult it is to meet new people....

    I understand completely where this post is coming from!

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  42. I completely understand where you're coming from! Which makes me wonder...what if we got some LA/Southern CA bloggers together to do something once a month or so. Perhaps a low-key dinner party at someone's home or a cute concert? A nerdy book club or coffee by the beach? It might be a pretty good way to meet new friends, and hey...we can totally stalk them on their blogs beforehand to see if we think we'd get along. Any interest?? xo

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  43. Long time reader, first time commenter. I wrote something very similar to this in my blog a few weeks ago..It is so sad, really, I feel the same way. You should start such website, and I'll be your first subscriber! <3

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  44. Did you get inside my head and write my thoughts? Seriously, I've had this conversation with myself so many times since moving to Cali. It's hard because all my friends are miles and miles away in Ohio and the only friends I have here are my roommates- who fiend on Hollywood, which is not my cup of tea! Speaking of tea, coffee shops are more my scene! People have mentioned that I should join friendster (which apparently is similiar to online dating for friends) but that makes me nervous, too.

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  45. I too share your fate.
    I would LOVE to go out for cupcakes and coffee. Alas I am on an island, in Canada...
    I am older than everyone in my classes too. I am in a serious relationship too. My true friends are mommies...
    Bonne Chance!
    a

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  46. I know you will get tonnes of comments on this post of people saying how they wish they could be your real life friend and how wonderful you are and I'll probably just be one more comment and not stand out but will probably make you feel a bit better because I'm one more person who has read your post and taken time to comment- is my cynicism attractive? Didn't think so.

    I get this. I get it so much it makes me want to really be your friend because I need someone who has felt those things too. I'm a foreigner living outside of San Francisco. I don't have a drivers license. I've been married for over 5 years but have no kids. I'm mormon. A married mormon with no kids, talk about building walls! My husband is gone all day and I stay home dreaming of when I did have friends and people to listen to me. Stuck. I get it. I don't know how to find people to fill that gaping, raw hole either. I have a responsibility to take care of myself though and I need to make myself happy because there's no one else right now.

    And now I don't even know what my point is but I feel sad. I feel sad for us both.

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  47. I completely relate to this...I am in the same boat! it sucks!!!

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  48. Move to Oklahoma. The cost of living will make you feel rich and we can have coffee and cupcakes on an almost daily basis.

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  49. I feel very much the same way. Utah makes it even harder....everyone here is usually married by the time they're 20. Being an old maid at 25, it's hard to find any friends who can relate to me and my singleness. No bueno.

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  50. totally feeling you on this one. I have lived in hb for a few years now, and it seems like making new friends is impossible... I only see my old friends when I hop in the car to see them. I wish they had a friending site too! I found my boyfriend on Match so I don't see why a friend site wouldn't work!

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  51. i'm in the same predicament. too bad we don't live closer, i think we'd be great friends. (:

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  52. man , i feel so similar sometimes, and sometimes i feel i dont have enough time for the friends i do have. i wish i lived closer! hehe - heres a tip, i searched local sellers on etsy, and found some really creative and cool people in my area, try it out!

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  53. I recently wrote a blog just like this! As we grow older it seems our lives just keep us too busy to make time for each other, or maybe that's just our excuse?

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  54. This post really struck a chord with me as I'm still trying to make new friends in a newish place and it's so much harder than it should be, but as you said, I'm 27, in a serious relationship, I don't want to go out partying and drinking and I don't have kids yet. How much easier it would be to have a "friend" site.

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  55. jasmine i totally hear you. i feel this way all the time. i just want to be surrounded be close friends all the time. i like alone time too, but there is nothing like friends that know you and love you for your imperfections. i watch friends marathons nonstop... and always want to be them!

    xo

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  56. I don't think I've ever commented here before... So, Hello!

    Anyway, A-freakin-men to everything you just said. I am in the same boat as you. Just moved to a new town, friends a plenty but a million miles away. For now, it's me, my lovely husband, and Ethel the Psycho Puppy. I'd love to have a friend or two, but I'm not even sure how to go acquiring them... Maybe we should start that friend-site...

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  57. i would DEF watch clueless and eat cupcakes with you if i lived in california. you seem super fun!

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  58. Thank you for putting into words exactly how I feel!! Making new friends is tough! If I lived in LA I would want to be real life friends with you. Although I'm not 27, only 23.. We have a lot in common. Long term relationship, I don't like going out and partying, and I just want normal girl time! Plus cupcakes and going out for coffee sounds great! Good luck in your search! :-)

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  59. I totally felt like this when I arrived in the States. The first few weeks/months were exhausting on me emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. but it really came down to just not knowing many people and not having that real chill time with someone! just someone to call up and eat junk food with me! and go to wendys at 12am.

    I hear you jasmine! But its exactly what i had to do when I got here. All my friends now are beautiful free-spirits that Ive met at school through classes, roommates and people in my church. They're out there, and the golden ones will take and make time for you.

    :)

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  60. I feel the same way. I have great friends . . . friends from high school, middle school, all the way back to elementary school . . . and we all still hang out together during holidays and things. We don't see each other often anymore. I'm 22 and recently married, which puts me in kind of a rare, odd category. It would be so nice to have someone to call up and go out for coffee with at the drop of a hat. Let me know if you find such a "friending" site!

    Lisa
    www.lisayoder.blogspot.com

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  61. OMG JAS.MINE. If you are EVER in or nearer to Fresno (that's where I live) my roommate and I would la-la-love to have you. I'm probably a little too young for you (I'm 21.) but I promise I'm really grownup! I have a boring office job and take night classes, and I'm even studying boring grownup things like Geology and Photography.

    My roommate is 25 though and we watch Friends every night. So, seriously, we should live closer to each other.

    :)

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  62. jasmine - i am sure that you will have no problem finding [local] friends if you keep putting yourself out there. i know that i have only been a silent lurker for months, but you are witty and charming and seem extremely down to earth. i too am struggling to make friends in my [new] hometown. i have the best long-time girlfriends ever, but you are right - it isnt the same as being able to pop over with a cheap bottle of wine and watch bad tv for a few hours. good luck and please let me know if you learn any tricks that will help a 28 yr old struggling with the same problem - or if you know of any cool people in atlanta :)

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  63. Hi Jasmine! I've been reading your blog for the last few days and I must say-You are amazing! So inspiring! I decided to write to you because I one hundred percent agree with your post!

    I am a 22 year old American from Florida living in Spain with my hubby Joan! I REALLY MISS my friends! Making friends is hard and in nearly 2 years I just have three that I consider to be real friends. I MISS watching Friends and girl talk and just the company! My hubby is fantastic and sometimes he even slips in the random "oh yeah..and her shoes are so...ya know..pinkish" if he sees I'm in need of girl time. He tries so hard to be everything for me-but a girlfriend he is not! Thankfully!

    I can relate to you in that I don't have kids so mommy talk isn't for me and while I am young I am past the drinking partying until 6 a.m. three nights a week stage. I am married after all! ;)

    So best of luck with your friend search! Know that half way around the world another girl, just like you, is doing the same thing. If only I lived in California (or you lived in Spain!)

    For now, we can be blends if you'd like. Blog Friends?

    :)

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  64. You know, I need some more friends, too. If we lived in Long Beach, I bet you and I could be friends.

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  65. Amen. It used to be so easy. Too bad it would be creepy now to just go up to someone you think you might like and say, "Wanna be friends?" a la kindergarten. Too bad we grow up and stop going to our friends houses just to 'hang'. It's so much more complicated when you're older. Booooo!

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  66. I feel that we are in the same type of boat, but in different lakes Jas!

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  67. Hey did you copy this post from my "draft" box??? i can COMPLETELY relate. I too find myself in the EXACT same position....if I still lived in So Cal I would definitely have coffee and a cupcake with you...and hangout and watch Clueless.
    Maybe you should start the internet "friending" site...I would be your first customer!

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  68. I completely agree! In this day and age it seems like all anyone cares about is FaceBook or MySpace and/or twitter. Where has the personal one-on-one contact gone? My roommate and I were just talking about this very thing last night...too funny! Call me old fashion but most days I miss good old fashion phone calls (not texts), snail mail (not email) and hanging out without having to book the event 6 months in advance...how did our lives get so busy that we forget about our need for actual human contact?

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  69. I will so be your friend. You know, the BlackBerry kind (send me you pin?!) that makes plans, sticks with 'em and has fun! I'm like you too in that I love my alone time, but I get the need for girl interaction. It's kinda necessary and I feel ya! Aaaanyway, I know we both live in SoCal (you're in LB, right?), so let me know lovely lady!

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  70. ooooh, good post. I moved to Australia from new Zealand a year ago to live with my boyfriend. I left behind all of my close (like hanging out all the time, close) friends and family behind and moved to a place where I knew noone. It has taken awhile but I have managed to build up a little groups of friends to play with I would suggest joining a local group or something? I joined a fitness group and meet two awesome girls. Perseverance!!
    Good luck xxxxx

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  71. oh. em. gee.

    your feelings are so right on with mine a few years ago when i made this scrapbook page: http://www.twopeasinabucket.com/pg.asp?cmd=display&layout_id=869199 (you can read the journaling below the page)

    i know how that feels.
    xo.

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  72. Holy moly! You took the words right out of my mouth! You are so right!

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  73. Whoa! THANK YOU so much. After this reading this post, I don't feel alone anymore. I've had many episodes like this and I'm pretty sure there'd be more to come. Sometimes, I hate to admit that I can be a shy person. I've had many regrets where I've met with people but never actually spent a great deal of time with them, just chatting about all sorts of stuff. My friends would be SO busy and I hate feeling that I'd be killing their precious time. And I'd be depressed sometimes for the fact that I've got so many blessings (perhaps too many) that I got no one to share it with.
    I agree with you with the friending site. Most likely people would treat it as an another 'social networking site'. By the way, I'd love to grab coffee with you if only we weren't distances apart; I would have contacted you immediately.

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  74. I hear you, I feel this way all the time. I moved to a new town when I was about to graduate college, so I graduated from a new school with no friends except for my boyfriend. I meet people at work but it is always a little awkward since I dont have any close girlfriends outside of work who live near me. Hang in there, you will find that there are many people just like you who would love a great friend to spend time with!!!

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  75. i am lucky enough to have an amazing network of rugby friends from college. i don't see them enough but when we get together it's like we've never been apart.

    i literally do not know what i would do without them. i could write a book about our adventures!

    we've recently been meeting for brunch and "breakfast club" picking out a new restaurant to try every sunday. it's quickly becoming the highlight of my week :) give it a try!

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  76. Well I live in L.A....we could get coffee or something and meet! I know exactly how you feel, I come from a small town where every one of friends from there is getting married and having babies and now thinks I can't talk to them because I am not doing the same.

    All my friends at school are younger.

    I hope you find some awesome friends soon whatever happens!

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  77. Oi. I feel like this a LOT -- being a new mama is pretty isolating considering much of my 'friend time' used to be going out at night, grabbing a coffee or a beer, going dancing or late night walks.
    Sometimes I miss it, but I wouldn't trade my life in now.
    I do miss PEOPLE sometimes, though.
    I feel like I have maybe one or two 'call them up and chat, hang out' friends, and one of my close ones just moved away for grad school :(
    It's times like this when I want to take the handful of people I've totally fallen for through their blogs & move them all clooooser to me!!!
    You included!!

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  78. i almost never ever see one of my dearest friends in the world and she lives a short 14 blocks away, but we're both so darn busy.

    you're gorgeous in and out. if you wanna make some new girlfriends open yourself up to it (which it seems you've done) and it will be provided.

    now i get to return the favor and i'm sending up a small prayer for you right now.

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  79. You said it perfectly gilrie!

    I hardly ever see my friends. Except work friends, obviously...for that matter I'm not sure I have many real friends in town. I do have one friend that we've decided to have a standing date on the first thursday of every month. It's still only once a month, but seems to be working so far, and it's better than nothing!

    I always feel refreshed after girl time.

    If I lived in your area, I would so get a cupcake, or watch clueless...

    I know what you mean about being in a weird phase. I'm 29, married, no kids...so I'm right with you.

    Hang in there!

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  80. I was thinking about this exact thing this morning. I was thinking about my friends, and how easy it is for life to get in the way. For everyone to be busy and to so easily drift apart. I'm glad I'm not the only one going through something similar.

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  81. i would totally be your friend!! i love this post, and know how you feel.

    i am in Ventura. too far??

    : )

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  82. awww, I can definitely relate to this. Making friends can be so hard. I'm also back in school and everyone is much younger than I am. The conversations are so different and hard to relate to. I live all the way in the Valley but I would love to hangout if I'm ever in Long Beach. I've been in a serious relationship for more than 6 1/2 years, so I definitely know where you're coming from.

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  83. girl, i live in lb and honestly have way too much time on my hands. so, that being said, if you ever want to grab a cup of coffee or a cupcake, i'm game! you actually live in my old neighborhood. i'm gonna find you on facebook(in a noncreepy, stalker way of course).

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  84. there are obviously a lot of comments here. you are obviously not alone. everyone feels like this at one time or another. the great thing about people like you, is that you have a certain energy the emits. it attracts other types of energies like you. i believe that the universe will bring you people that you need in your life when you just let it happen. be open to it. yes it's scary to meet new people. but i think most people think it's probably scarier to be alone!

    good luck!!

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  85. thank you, for putting all my greatest fears into words. i have made "friends" since coming to grad school, but know very well that these are professional relationships, not the friendships that i had a couple short years ago. being so far away from my friends has really taken a toll.. i don't like watching people i used to be so close with continue with those relationships when i'm in a completely different location. and now that i'm getting ready to search for a job, i'm wondering if i should go home to them, or if i should continue in creating my own life, while keeping up with them when i can...

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  86. Oh wow! thanks for sharing this! I totally understand and was wondering if there was anyone else like me out there! I live an hour away from my BF in a different city and we basically spend one weekend there, and the next at my house. We have a few friends in each place... but a lot of my friends are all from different 'friendship circles', I had a falling out with my old highschool friends and a lot of my uni friends have moved away or drifted apart.

    thanks for sharing!

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  87. wow! this is pretty much ecactly how i feel... i would love to eat cupcakes and have a friends marathon with you!!!

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  88. I clicked on the link to this post from another more recent post.

    I get it. We're in that "in between" phase. We're settled, but unsettled. We like to have fun, but not the same kind of fun we did a few years ago. And our time means more to us. I get it.

    I've found it easier to have a few good friends. That way I can really focus on them and make time to grab that coffee. And, it is tough to find those few good friends who aren't either nursing or "clubbing" (do they even call it that anymore? haha!).

    But you know, I like where we are. :) And I know....I just know....that there are more of us out there....or out here, rather. In SoCal.

    xox

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  89. It's clear from the number of comments that you struck a chord.

    I think so many of us 20-somethings can relate to this idea, and it's comforting that we are each not alone in this.

    That being said, I've had luck meeting people through meetup.com. There are various groups for different subjects, such as "Spanish language, 20-30 nightlife, knitting, coffee lovers, etc for each region.

    Also, okcupid.com is a free
    dating site but it's very chill and I've also used it for making new friends.

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  90. I would just like to say...
    BIG FAT DITTO.
    Totally identifying with you here. It's so hard to find a "kindred spirit."

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  91. i feel strange commenting since we don't know each other, but this is so my life right now... it's awful. you worded it beautifully.

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  92. I just discovered your blog and I am in love, this post especially! I just moved to NYC and I need friends, too. Isn't it funny that it's so difficult to do in cities with literally millions of people?

    Anyways. I wish you lived nearby. I'd totally invite you over for coffee and a Friends marathon.

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